Beeb 2 Thurs 4/4/13 22.00
I didn't realise it until now but I think I may have lots of man love for @Charlie Brooker. I think he may be 'the one'. I mean how do you explain the mood that I woke with this morning - no change I know, but as usual, ugly, lonely and destined to die abandoned in a rat-infested hovel - when I go to last night's recording and discover that this weeks prog is all about love. I mean this episode even gave this blog it's title.
His script and delivery reaches parts of me that few do. Ok, so he's wordy, but boy do those words repay paying attention. Such was my desire to see the prog through to the end I ignored the acute pain that some of his observations caused me, and the my pavlovian response to this which was to run a warm bath and unleash one of @Gillette's finest.
It appears that I am not so different. Apparently I suffer just as ordinary mortals do and yet, as I absorb this, it reminds me that this is a programme that warns me of the peril of listening to what the TV is telling me. How can I believe you Charlie. Eh? EH?
Charlie then told me that there is a link between the amount of TV watched and a belief in relationship myths.( This is crucial information for someone with low self-esteem and suicical tendencies. I mean I have been advised that I write this blog as therapy cos 'you watch more TV than anyone I know'. Thanks chaps).
1. That love at first sight happens . . . tick;
2. There is a 'singular soul mate' out there for everyone . . . tick;
3. That we will develop a psychic bond with aforementioned soul mate . . . tick;
4. That we all look at every male/female presenter team and wondering if they are 'doing it' . . . umm . . . no tick . . . I think that may be just you Charlie.
The prog provides many 'guffaw' moments amongst which the chewing gum and love analogy was brill as was Charlie renaming my airline pilot mate 'Skycock'. He will be known as nothing else in future (although knowing him he'll love it).
But hold the front page. What's this? A sudden disaster. A @Sky News skit which goes on for far too long and is nowhere near the standard of the rest of the programme. Someone else write this this didn't they Charles. Did you say 'fuck it, it takes me hours to come up with my pithy monologue . . . you guys, come up with four minutes to fill the middle. Why Charlie, why? The flow of the prog comes to a dead halt. Consequently, it is difficult to give the benefit of the doubt to such safe targets as @Captain Kirk, @James Bond, @Blind Date. Lazy Charles, lazy. (Although I must urge you dear readers to search for the still from Star Trek where James is holding a ginormous penis).
The pace picks up again but frustratingly it should never have needed to. Men's sex faces was good, whilst the clip from @This Morning and their Sex Clinic - and Diana from Yorkshire's problem - is worth seeing the programme for alone. I'll even forgive his dissing of Jack and Vera (almost). Towards the end he is back on vitriolic top form - 'TV, the machine that wipes it's arse on you valentines' - although an obvious observatrion was missed during the clip from @'Breaking Up' - some shite that I'm sure my daughter's will have watched - where the departing boyfriend discusses with host Shannon just how to break up with his long-term girlfriend. The words may have been about the break-up but the boyfriends lust for sexy host Shannon meant he was hoping for the best post-relationship fuck ever.
Then, disappointingly, the "sky News' bollox reappears. Lazy Charlie, lazy. You need someone with talent if you are going to farm out 25% of the show. The Boy Band tosh at the end only confirmed the fact.
So, am I really in love? Nah. 100% commitment is needed to make this work fully Charlie or we'll just end up on the scapheap like everyone else. You're lazy Charlie, lazy. Shape up immediately.
PS Newsnight followed with Paxman opening with 'Reasons to be cheerful . . . the Korean nuclear annihilation didn't take place today'. Thanks for that Paxo. Thanks a lot. Think I'll run a bath.
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